Letters to the Heart: A necessary burden

“I hate being single”
“I hate being shy”

Keep these two statements in mind, as I will be referring back to them later on.

Would you be my valentine?

Valentine’s Day is bittersweet for hopeless romantics like me. Social media becomes a minefield of obligated romance posts and memes that are both funny and sad at the same time. You may get a text message or two, but the effects of loneliness will keep you company throughout the day. It’s a holiday that, like Christmas, has lost most of it’s magic and instead becomes a time to buy chocolates and binge watch YouTube videos, resisting the urge to text an ex out of desperation

So in these series of articles, I will be searching for an answer for a questions that’s been bothering me for years now, “why do I hate being single?” Along the way, you may get a story here and there, what I’ve learned about myself and culture during these lonely times, and to just essentially vent out my frustrations in hopes of discovering tranquility within myself. I’m writing this in hopes of reaching out to people like me that have nearly given up on finding the One. I know it’s a hard journey, but I’m walking it with you.

Undesired Gift

Have you ever received a gift that you didn’t really like or ask for in the first place? Not that it’s terrible, but something you would exchange for something better?

I imagine that’s how most of us view singleness. If not, then I somewhat envy you. Because Lord knows I’ve tried multiple times to accept this gift that He’s graciously given to me. From making new friends to becoming more available, I slowly started to tolerate being single. Almost to the point where I rarely thought about it.

But then I’ll see that dreaded relationship status change on FaceBook. A change in profile picture. Or even a marriage proposal photo album. Suddenly, I feel like God is playing a cruel joke on me and I immediately envy certain people on my friend’s list. I can feel the newfound distance and I’m back to hating everyone and everything.

A bit drastic I know. Yet this is where my dilemma comes in. From acceptance to aversion, this is the fluctuating cycle that I have to constantly endure.

The Loner Lifestyle

It’s not that I hate relationships in general. I’ve been a few myself and I continually desire to have a new one that is stable and satisfying. But for about 3 years, my hopes of achieving this drops with each passing day. Another ignored text message, conversations that meander to nothingness, and message threads filled with awkward silences that could occupy countless galaxies. If I’m interested in her, then I might as well expect rejection or being locked in the friend zone.

Such are the “joys” of being a loner. I mentioned in the beginning that I hate being shy and single. In my head, if my personality was different, then my life would be better. I would have more friends, I could have more influence. I’d be more willing to try new things and not have many regrets. Who knows, I might even be married by now.

Find Contentment

Contentment is a necessity in our fast-paced culture. In this time of getting what we want and getting it fast, it’s rare to just be thankful for what we have. Instead, we allow inadequacy to determine our worth. Most likely, it bears the fruit of resentment for our current relationship status. How do we battle such inadequacy?

This may sound crazy, but hear me out. Instead of asking for more, what if we just

I always viewed singleness as a burden. A thorn in my side.Even though in the Bible, there’s clear benefits to it.

But it’s not enough to just accept.

Make the Most of It

Like most gifts, you want to use it as much as possible. It shouldn’t just collect dust and eventually get thrown in the trash.

I need to enjoy the gift and the Giver. I need to approach his throne of grace and serve his people.

Heart Transplant

Heart of stone. Heart of flesh

Depending on my track record, my season of singleness may be extended.

I need to accept his will. Not with folded arms, but with an open heart. A heart of flesh.

Singleness is a necessary burden. I don’t love it, but I have to. Day by day, I’m learning to love it. If it should define the rest of my life, then praise God! I hope I can be an example of His love and purpose for my life.